Over the years I have turned this around, usually with the simple question 'Why am I NOT happy?'
Sometimes we dwell what we should have said but didn't or we let signs of disrespectful actions go without complaining.
We probably dont notice the mechanics or process of without erecting or keeping the feeling of anger attached.
It is impossible to stay angry for a few moments, once we debrief ourselves, down grading if possible the actual threat can help, if dealing with a narcassistic person I would shrug shoulders and say 'whatever' and this I find works in most cases especially if I can put it across that I am suffering but actually bored.
Years of working in Security I have learned the art of looking bored and unaffected by a persons attempts to affect me.
It may not work for you, but still when they have gone you should disperse those negative emotions to reduce stress, etc.
Bullies often cause distress for fun and may not attack as they may only want to feel power by upsetting a persons emotions
Anyone can learn not to be angry for long, learn to identify that a potential threat is over & get busy getting happy.
One way is to identify what made you angry, and mock it back or question why, not showing any pain is the best because it removes any success they might feel and they may never bother with this tactic of causing emotional distress.
We are taught to associate some words & phrases with meanings and emotions, I have learned not to react for a second, one of my favourite come backs is 'did you learn that today?' and attach my bored voice and posture though sometimes I ask 'Why have you said that, have you sunk that low' in a sarcastic child voice. I have been known to shred a persons dignity who has offered violence but mostly I dont react especially with narcassistic persons or 'whatever' & shrug my shoulders.
What is anger and can you defuse it?
I belive one can learn not to react to anger and learn to see it as a challenge, having heard that in China when they have a fight they shout insults at each other and the first person to throw a punch loses. When I first heard that I couldn't believe it.
Negative thoughts can vanish by themselves, just dont fuel the rage by allowing ones feelings to flare up but learn to channel that rage reaction by distraction of a nice thought & place the mind in that memory.
We have great capacity for understanding and we can be very creative, any torment we can endure, ideas can pop into the mind every minute.
It can take some practice to consider why and what makes one angry, learning not to react and indeed treat the abuser lightly or with boredom but it can be done.
We are often lost in thought so we can learn, I have my think tank sessions and can focus & even have my dance factory sessions where I can create dance moves and even form dance katas.
This article did not exist until I decided to write it, I am only aware that now that sometimes I may have done this automatically.
I am correcting my phrases and choosing words to explore and write about 'Breaking Negative Emotions' & can recall the following past situation where someone I knew liked to get a rise out of someone responding to their mind games.
I knew that I was being played but instead of denying their accusation I responded with 'So you lot gossip and manufacture untruths like a bunch of busy bodies?' and proceeded with looking busy and when they said they didn't want to upset me I raised my hand and replied 'not upset but disappointed that you are a gossiper & processor of ideas that could threaten my standing in the community and could threaten my job through malicious and useless chit chat'.
Firstly I do not defend my position because when defending one is forced to react and not act and make the accusation seem justified.
Secondly I shift to counter accuse and use any anger in the form of frustration & boredom by using the word 'disappointment'.
Used in the right way this shifts me from being the 'victim' to almost 'abuser' as I often leave mind gamers squirming in embarrassment.
I'd like to stay that was the end but when I got back they tried to defend their actions, bad move!
I had to repeat what I said but in order to not directly confront I created a 'third party imaginery effirgy gossipor entity' !!
I then proceeded to completely vent my 'frustration' on the poor gossiping effirgy by stating how low I thought of gossipors in general and then for a minute I poured scorn and a barrel of sarcasm as I executed the imaginery gossiping effirgy. It was brutal as I vented my frustration.
I slowly turned & said 'Your not a gossipor are you my friend'
As you can imagine there was no more 'resistance' and indeed after that we never discussed or mentioned. The look of shock & horror was priceless, sometimes you have to call people out and if required display how easy you could have trampled & indeed shred their emotions & dignity if you wanted.
The carrot & stick approach works, never be afraid to protect your emotions, etc.
Correcting some ones rubbish conduct may be needed quickly & effectively.